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Advice About Love and Marriage From A Divorced Man

Sometimes the best marriage advice is from someone who was happily married- and then screwed up. A gentleman that was married for 16 years and is now (unhappily) divorced shares his happy marriage advice, in the form of twenty wise tips, for other men to learn to not make the same mistakes, and these happy marriage gems inspired me to share some of my own in addition to a few of my favorite simple tips for a happy marriage from Gerald Rogers, like:

* Be fully transparent (don’t hide things from your wife or wear a mask so to speak- be your true self, and share everything, because love is real only when we know a person’s “better and worse” and love them anyway)

* Protect your own heart (there is a special place in there that is only for your wife)

* Focus on the best in her (and not what you wish was different)…it’s not your job to try to change another person or make them “better”, they are who they want to be and want to be loved as they are

* Give her space (and if you have children, a break) so she can time to herself and fulfill her own dreams and enjoy her own friends and hobbies too

* Be silly together, and don’t get angry easily. It’s not the fault of your wife (or husband) if you are upset about something, so don’t take it out on them, and make time to laugh together and be silly together to keep your relationship lighthearted and the romance alive

* Be fully present by not only spending time together, but listening to each other and being focused and in the moment

* Don’t fight over money. Instead, work together as a team to beat money at its own game (or lose together, as long as you are on the same team and honest with each other)

* Learn each other’s love languages and fill each other’s needs to be loved the way they want to be loved

* Be totally open and vulnerable with each other…if you are afraid of getting hurt, you aren’t going to let your life partner get to really know you and you’ll miss something big- someone who sees into your soul and loves you completely. On the other side of the coin, when your wife or husband opens up to you, love and appreciate them, never ever judge them or make them feel afraid to be honest, or want to shut themselves down from you.

how to stay married

Head over and read the rest of this beautiful advice for a happy marriage from a man who learned wisdom about a happy marriage the hard way. What I love is that it’s the same tips I’ve been sharing with women for years (see, we really do want the same things, and men do listen and take note!).



  • You had me at be fully transparent. Your partner in marriage is the one person in the world you should really not keep secrets from, you just have to trust and be trusted.ReplyCancel

  • He learned from his mistake hence his wisdom on the matter of the heart.ReplyCancel

  • Those tips alone are great!!! Fully transparent is the first key in my opinion.ReplyCancel

  • Thanks for sharing. Off to read his other advice.ReplyCancel

  • Donna

    He is an excellent person to take marriage advice from, since he knows first hand. Just like I don’t want parenting advice from someone with no kids. :)ReplyCancel

  • i love the idea you have of creating an oasis…

    and there is really some truth in what he shares – a while back i ran a series on my blog where i invited a bunch of my strong married friends to share a piece of wisdom they had learned and experienced in their marriages under the title ‘how to save a marriage before you need to’ and came up with a whole range of incredible bits of advice and encouragement for those of us newer to the journey:

    brettfish.wordpress.com/2012/09/17/how-to-save-a-marriage-before-you-need-to-the-parts

    keep on
    love brett fishReplyCancel

  • I think being fully transparent is THE key to a successful marriage or relationship.ReplyCancel

  • I came across this piece earlier this week. Very beautifully written words that all men should read.ReplyCancel

  • Jennifer @ MySweetSanity

    Thank you for giving us this teaser. I did hop over and read it all and it was amazing advice and very well written .ReplyCancel

  • I’m so very blessed to have the best hubby – he’s been so great. Especially since we tell each other how we feel now. We used to keep it all in sometimes.ReplyCancel

  • That is great advice! :)ReplyCancel

  • This would be good advice for anyone. Man or woman.ReplyCancel

  • Those are great tips! I’m headed over to read the rest!ReplyCancel

  • those can also work for anyone dating. Thanks for sharingReplyCancel

  • What great advice for both men and women alike! A strong marriage takes daily work and I feel that is something many people fairly to realize.ReplyCancel

  • I think that’s one of the reasons my husband and I have such a great marriage, we don’t keep anything from each other, and tell each other everything. We’ll be going on 20 years next April, and I can’t recall one secret I’ve ever kept from him.ReplyCancel

  • Great advice. Sometimes you can only learn from your mistakes.ReplyCancel

  • I’ve actually seen this post I think before. I totally agree with transparency and sometimes have to remind my husband that he needs to be able to act like himself and show his true feelings not what he things I want to see.ReplyCancel

  • Off to check out his other tips. We are kind of in a slump at the moment. Nothing is wrong per se, we just tend to put our marriage on the backburner amid parenting two toddlers, buying a home, work, etc. Gah. Makes me tired thinking about it. Haha.ReplyCancel

  • That’s some excellent advice! I’ll definitely have to check out the rest! Thanks!ReplyCancel

  • This is great to hear a man’s point of view on this subject. It’s great to see a man can learn from his mistakes.ReplyCancel

  • This is definitely an interesting perspective coming from someone who has been divorced.ReplyCancel

  • Esme Stewart

    This was refreshing but my brother was the same and knew he had screwed up, got the second chance some 4yrs later and guess what, yep, he did it again. Good to know but a lot harder to do.ReplyCancel