Don’t talk bad about your husband. To anyone. Ever.
And the reverse is true too. Husbands, protect your wife when she isn’t around. Don’t ever badmouth her or let anyone else do this.
You are a team. Anyone who gossips about your spouse to you is breaking you down as a union and a threat to your happy marriage. That person needs to be corrected or avoided, not condoned or humored. If they can rudely tear down your spouse, you can rudely cut them off and tell them disrespecting your mate is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated. If you are weak and allow it, your mate won’t be able to rely on you or your relationship, won’t trust you or have faith in you, and outsiders will see your marriage as weak and penetrable. Your spouse should be able to rely on you and trust that you have a strong marriage, a happy marriage, and a spouse that protects them whether or not they are around.
Protect your marriage, protect your spouse, protect each other’s reputations.
This wise marriage advice was shared with me long ago, and it’s one of the best pieces of advice I ever heard. The less I focus on my spouse’s faults or complain about him, the better I feel about us as a couple. When you complain about your spouse and focus on his faults, or worse, voice them out loud to someone else, you see them in a more negative light, treat them as though you thought less of them, and they respond likewise. If you focus on the positive, it effects how you see them and treat them, they notice, are happier and want to make you happier, you feel even better about them…it’s an upward, positive spiral. If you want a happy marriage, always focus on what is great about your love and if you want to say something about your husband or wife, tell people what you admire, love, and appreciate about them.
Now that the holidays are coming closer, it’s a great time of year to reconnect and work on building an even stronger marriage. How about having a cozy date night together? Doing something to let your husband or wife know how much they mean to you? Try one of our fun winter date ideas for married people if you need some inspiration, and have a great Christmas together. Don’t forget to share a romantic New Year’s kiss!
I agree completely. Also, if you tell someone the negative things about your spouse, say to your mother, it can affect they way they feel about their son/daughter-in-law. So what you revealed out of anger or frustration can jade a person’s perception of someone…. unfairly.
I whole heartedly agree with this post.
Cannot agree more! That sad thing is that I see it so much, I discussed this with my husband over 25 years ago.. Never ever talk bad about me if your mad etc. Always protect me and I will do the same..
I agree a MILLION percent! In fact, It’s horribly sad to hear someone bad mouth their significant other. No one has ever given me this advice before, but I have always automatically followed it.
I read this somewhere else and it’s great advise! Unfortunatly I’ve failed this one. We talk a lot at work and it gets old sometimes.
I couldn’t think of anything bad to say about my husband if I tried… very good advice!
Great tips Penelope! I completely agree with you.
This is a great reminder! It is okay to vent though!!!! xoxo
Great advice.
This is such good advice. I have always thought that when women sit around with nothing better to do than complain and talk bad about the man they chose to marry, it turns into a “MY husband is worse than your husband” thing. Everyone says something just a little bit worse than the last person, and pretty soon, everyone is unhappy in their marriage. They don’t realize that when you talk bad, you get bad. If those same women talked about how much they love their spouse, or about the little things that guy always does for them, they would walk away at the end of the feeling all the love he has to give. When we ONLY pick out the things we don’t like, that is all we see.
That is excellent advice and you’re absolutely right. If people see a weak spot, they’ll exploit it given the opportunity!
so very true and to marry a man with integrity is so very important as well.
Yes, yes, yes, YES! I absolutely hate seeing a wife (or husband) yelling/belittling the other in public. It’s embarrassing, uncalled for, and immature.
This is the BEST advice ever!
I totally agree. Sometimes it’s natural when you get frustrated with your spouse to want to vent but you’ll feel better when things have resolved if you didn’t say anything negative to other people.
I like how you choose the word “protect” your marriage…that is very vital to keeping a marriage strong. 🙂
I have been married 36 happy years so I guess I am doing something right
I see this a lot with couples who have been married longer, and it seems more common with women than men. I’m sure they still love the person, but you wouldn’t guess it given the degrading and belittling comments they make. I also agree about being careful what you vent about to others when you are upset. I’m sure my husband could say some things about me, that I have done or said in the heat of the moment, that would be unflattering but I wouldn’t want him spreading it around to gain sympathy.
That is so absolutely true. When some good friends of mine complained about each other to their parents and siblings, it turned into a family feud. All of it was just fuel on the fire of another messy divorce that had a huge impact on all of their children.
Hand in hand with not criticizing your spouse is this little piece of advice that I got: Once you are married, it’s too late to ask the question “did I marry the right one?” Hopefully your dating and engagement gave that question plenty of thought. Once you are married, they ARE the right one. There are, of course, some exceptions to that rule, but how many marriages would still be intact today if someone hadn’t asked that tiny little question after a simple argument?
My sweet hubby is great at this, I, however, am a work in progress. What a great gift this would be to give him. Great reminder.
This is true and such great advice. So many don’t understand that long after you’ve forgiven your husband, others you’ve spoken to will not because they don’t have the same love and connection as you have with him. Grabbing hold of this basic principle allows couples to resolve conflict without unwanted fuel from third parties. Wise advice. Thanks!
Shortly after I was married, my husband and I disagreed about something. I did what I have always done when I had a difference of opinion with someone… I called my Mom. Before I could even finish my sentence, she asked me if I had prayed about it yet. Before I could respond, she told me that she would not allow me to call her and complain about my husband to her, nor would she allow me to discuss our arguments/disagreements with her. I sat there stunned. Then she said something that has stuck with me for the last six years. “Sweetie, the thing is, because you love him the way you love him, when the argument is over it’s over. But, I don’t love him the way you love him, and it would be far too easy for me to pick up a grudge and carry it if I think he is wrong. You can’t do that to me, or to him. It simply isn’t fair.”
Your mother is brilliant!
Very true. Every marriage has its own ups and downs, that doesn’t give you an excuse to bring him down. How would you feel if he does exactly the same thing to you?
Your mother really knows what she was talking about. Even a little amount of gossip can ruin a relationship. It holds true for husbands, too. How I wish I never found out my wife has been bad mouthing me to a number of mutual friends and her boss. I have lost those good friends and her boss doesn’t even know me. Right here I have sinned. I have told you what my wife did. I am sorry.