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Make Your Husband Happy He Married You

Why wait for Valentine’s Day each you to celebrate your love? Wouldn’t it be great to surprise your husband or significant other every day? If you want your husband to really have something to be grateful for on Valentine’s Day, the best way to do it is to treat him in a way that makes him happy you are his, so make your husband happy he married you!

best marriage advice ever

Meant to be

Men tend to not really care about gifts, especially when they feel their woman is a present. They especially do not really care for gifts from a woman that makes him feel bad, doesn’t treat him that well, or doesn’t respect him. They also aren’t motivated to to express their own feelings (they tend to say things like “Well, it’s just a commercial holiday created by the candy and card companies to make money” when they are not inspired to celebrate and honor the relationship they have). You may have a terrific relationship, or you may not, but for the next few weeks I’m going to post some great ideas to make your husband happy he married you, starting with the best marriage advice ever:

Be kind to him. It sounds easy, but how often do you criticize him (even small things, like his choice in a shirt), nag him (you want him to fix something, he plans to, but you want it done *now*, and that’s all you talk about until he does it), or just do not think about him much (you make what the kids want for dinner- he can have some of it).

It's the little things….

This is actually very important, because if you’ve ever been criticized, nagged, or treated like you or your desires aren’t that important, you know exactly how you feel about the person who treats you that way. Certainly not like they were a gift from G-d selected just for you as your partner in life. Some people have been treated this way by parents growing up, and tend felt misunderstood and unappreciated. They also tend to want to be faaarr away from that person, and look for others who appreciate and accept them as they are.

Do you really want to remind your husband of his mom when he was a teen? Do you really want your husband to want to be far away from you? To prefer to be with someone else that makes him feel good? Do you want him to wish he was spending romantic holidays with buddies, alone, in front of the tv, or with basically anyone but you? If you find your husband does not particularly enjoy your company, try being supersweet to him for the next five weeks (and longer). Supersweet doesn’t mean giving him fake compliments or buying him toys. It means letting him finish a sentence before you interrupt to tell him all the reasons you think he is wrong. It means caring that he hates macaroni and cheese, so making him a dinner he actually likes, even if you have to dirty two pots. It means treating him the way you did when you were dating him, and showed him he mattered to you.

If you don’t know where to start to make your husband happy he married you, try these for a week and see how they work out:

1. Smile each time you see him, as though you are really happy to see him (like when you were dating). Isn’t it great to see that people are sincerely happy you are around? If you’ve fallen into the habit of not acknowledging each other because you are so used to each other, start a new habit now. Say hi when you see him, ask how his day was when he gets home, say goodnight and kiss him before you go to sleep at night. Act as though you are happy you married him, to inspire the feeling in him that he is happy he married you.

2. Do something for him. If he loves flavored morning coffee, make it for him one morning as a surprise. If he enjoys coffee cakes, pop one into his lunch. If he comes home from work tired, offer him a back rub. Do one thing each day that is just for him.

3. No complaining. Women tend to talk to their husbands like they are girlfriends, and tell them all about their bad day, or what they heard about so and so, or worse (ever tell a man about your grooming habits- eek!)….try, for a while, to not say anything negative to him about anything. Don’t complain about his intrusive mom, the sarcastic neighbor, that your baby has diarrhea, etc. Let him come home from work to a positive atmosphere and a happy wife who isn’t waiting at the door to unload her bad feelings on him. Men take these things to heart, worry about you, and want to get involved and solve things for you, and are beyond frustrated when a woman just wants to complain to him and not let him fix anything. It’s bad for his heart (no wonder men tend to have such blood pressure problems). If you don’t want him to resolve something for you, skip mentioning it. Talk to a girlfriend about it if you are just looking to vent. And if you do want him to resolve something, let him at least walk through the door before you come at him with your requests.

4. Spend time with him. A big problem seems to be couple that pass eachother a few times a day like ships through the night, never really connecting for any amount of time. Kids, lessons, school, practice, work all get in the way. If you don’t see your spouse more than 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes in the afternoon during all the daylight hours, some things have to go. Try, for the next 5 weeks, to at least eat one meal a day together.

5. Speak well of your husband. Don’t bad mouth him to anyone. This is a great tip, because it will not only keep you from harping on his flaws (we all have flaws, but women tend to focus on their husband’s), but you also aren’t making him look bad in front of others. If his own wife, the woman who knows him better than anyone, doesn’t think well of him, why should anyone? If it gets back to him that you admire him and speak well of him, you’ll get extra loving points!

  • Eschelle

    you should write this post for men lol… i can’t remember the last time my hubby did any of this for me lol! Still make him breakfast in bed on valentines despite that though… lucky guy…ReplyCancel

    • Penelope

      My readers are over 85% female, so I can only speak to the women, but the truth is that (good) men tend to respond to how their wives are, so it helps when we are nicer. They are nicer back, and happier too.

  • Great posts and so true! Looking forward to reading more of your ideas, Penelope. :)ReplyCancel

  • Shana Putnam

    These are things I have been trying on and off to make sure I do. But I also admit that I fail miserably sometimes. But I am..dare I say it….resolving to do better this year. I know Chris loves me. We have been through many rough times and stuck it out and tried harder to make things work. 16.5 years is nothing to sneeze at, especially these days but one day I want to say 50 years is nothing to sneeze at and I can only do that by being the best wife I can be. Thanks for the great post and reminder.ReplyCancel

  • Nichol

    Great Post! I think it’s hard with women who have men who don’t do jack for them, but I have an amazing husband who does everything for me, so I treat him like the king he is. I married him for a reason:) Glad to see you got your social icons on your sidebar:)ReplyCancel

    • Penelope

      Yep, got them up there (took a while to figure it out). Nichol, I’m so happy to hear you have such a great husband!

  • Dee

    Before we got married our pastor told us: It doesn’t matter what arguments you have or what happens at home but to the rest of the world your spouse is the best ever. Never talk bad about them and always treat them like gold. To this day all my friends think my husband is a saint and they never know about any little arguments we may have. Those are between us and nobody else needs to get involved.ReplyCancel

    • Penelope

      That is very good advice your pastor gave! I’m sure your husband appreciates it too. Our priests give good advice too, but they no longer do individual pre-marital counseling like they used to do, just a class (with about 80 people, 40 couples) which is a shame. In the classes, many people do not have to listen or really understand this great advice.

  • This is a fabulous post Penelope. I try really hard to do these things for my husband. Two I am guilty of and want to change are venting to him and correcting him. Like you say, men want to fix things. My husband has actually said to me it upsets him if I’m upset, so that reminds me to not gas on about a rude person at the supermarket etc. There’s nothing to fix, I’m just blowing off steam, but it affects him adversely as he feels he wants to help me. He has also said to me he loves that I appreciate him and that I thank him for doing things, even though he would do them anyway.ReplyCancel

    • Penelope

      It’s something I work on too. It’s so hard to not treat a husband like a girlfriend that you tell everything to.

  • That is really great advice. I usually do this — when things are going well. But sometimes when it’s hard, when he’s being a jerk or I’m PMSing, I don’t. Well yesterday we had to go to town and he’s such a grouch when we go out. He was already in a foul mood so I knew going out was going to be a nightmare. I prayed for wisdom to know how to snap him out of it, even though I myself was in a funk and having a “cry-day.” Well I snuggled up to him and treated him like my hero, let him see in my eyes how in love with him I am, and he was our rock, so strong and caring, the rest of the day! Even when *I* lost it and started bawling after we got back home he just prayed for me and held me and told me how wonderful I am and how much he loves me. I know that wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t took the initiative to treat him like he was perfect when he wasn’t acting like it.ReplyCancel

    • Penelope

      This is awesome!

  • HilLesha

    Great post! :)ReplyCancel

  • Rosey

    Kudos for a great post.ReplyCancel

  • Susan Anderson

    I was expecting the same ol “put on a sexy nightie for him”, (ad nauseam), but this was really a great article and a great reminder. It is a shame, however, that it seems women have to do all the giving and changing. But it is also a strange phenomenon that men DO tend to respond to women’s lead in this area no matter how slight that response may be.ReplyCancel

    • I think the way to look at it is, Susan, that you can’t change him. But you can change how you behave & react. We can see all around us the spiral that marriages get in when each spouse starts to one-up the other when they don’t treat them with love, understanding & kindness. You can feed off the cycle of negativity, or you can hope for the best, make a change in yourself & hope your husband is a good man & responds favorably. If not, well, as least you’ve done what you can & haven’t been mired in negativity.

      & I think a lot of husbands ARE giving & changing. Maybe that’s something else we need to work on as a whole, looking through our husbands eyes & seeing what they do & sacrifice for us.

  • FB

    I disagree with # 3. My husband and I share our experiences and feelings even if they are negative (especially if our baby has diarrhea!). We would be hurt if the other excluded us like that.ReplyCancel

  • miami repair service

    this is a very sweet list. i think a good one is talking softly, that one always helps.ReplyCancel

  • These are really lovely tips! It’s easy to get too comfortable with your spouse and let the spark go out. I like the way you think! :)ReplyCancel

  • I need to work on being kinder.ReplyCancel

  • nicole @nicky_olea

    Great tips. Mutual respect and kindness goes so far.ReplyCancel

  • I am so guilt of nagging my husband. Sigh. I am working on it though and I have noticed he’s a happier man.ReplyCancel

    • I am the opposite — I’m always SO afraid of nagging that I end up not reminding him of stuff and then get resentful when he doesn’t do things he has agreed to do. He has actually ASKED me to be more of a “nag,” just to help him out. LOL — it’s a fine line in our marriage.

  • I really needed to read this today. I owe Hubs and apology and have been sitting at the computer stewing instead. :)ReplyCancel

    • Penelope

      Well, go apologize, give him a big smooch, and tell him you like his big muscles too ;-)

  • Mellisa

    I try to do something nice for my husband everyday! I think it’s important to show your hubby you love him each and everyday.ReplyCancel

  • I think my husband is more of the woman in the this relationship, like the constant nagging. LOL He’s getting better about it though. I can definitely be more nicer, but sometimes is so dang hard 1 week out of the month.ReplyCancel