Ever feel completely drained or even tricked after interacting with someone? Does coming across their path fill you with dread and make you paralyzed with fear because you feel like you’re about to be embarrassed or rail-roaded, and feel totally hopeless about standing your ground and sticking up for yourself without losing your dignity? It’s time to stop the madness and get control back from the manipulator in your life.
Here are five tips for dealing with manipulative people that can help you breath a little easier and feel more confident.
Five Tips For Handling Manipulating People
1. Do not engage with them at all if possible. Don’t bother confronting a manipulative person or becoming emotional because it only encourages them, and frankly gives them pleasure. When you fight with a pig, you both get dirty. The difference is the pig loves it. Manipulators want control and want to see you lose control. It entertains them, just like a crowd watching gladiator fights in ancient Rome. They love to see the misery, blood, and chaos.
2. Don’t feed into them or give them anything to work with. A manipulator will reach for anything that gives them an opportunity to blame you. If you corner them or try to explain your point of view, they will rapidly turn the tables and act like the victim. They’ll say you are making them feel bad, or how you are treating them is wrong, and you’ll look like the bully or manipulator. They will complain to others how you are treating them when “all they wanted was….” and will even bring it up years later to point out what a horrible person you are when you tried to defend yourself.
3. Do not waste any time trying to change them or fix them. You can’t reason with them, you can’t change them, you can’t make them see the light of their manipulative ways. They know what they are doing and enjoy being puppet masters that use manipulation to control people. And they are masters at it, they’ve been doing it for years, and they truly think they are always right. You can’t change their mind and could lose yours trying.
4. Don’t ever be alone with them. They will use that chance without witnesses to really sneak in a few strikes. They will be particularly nasty with no one around and then super sweet when there are other people, so you look crazy if you say in private they are totally different. They may use that chance to get information from you to use as a weapon against you later. They would simply relish the chance to slaughter your self esteem with impunity if you are alone with them, or plant seeds of doubt in your mind about your plans, your other relationships, your sense of self worth, or accuse you of saying or doing something that isn’t true… always make sure someone is around or just turn and run off if you find they managed to get you alone. And it’s your word against theirs, so don’t give them that opportunity.
5. Don’t confide in them. Don’t tell them your problems, your worries, or your insecurities. They can use it against you later to get something they want, to embarrass you, to manipulative you, or simply to hurt you and watch you squirm. You may think sharing something with them when they are at a low point will help you connect or make them feel better, but a manipulative person stores those tidbits to push your buttons at a later time, and feel no shame about it. They don’t care, it’s just what they do, so don’t open yourself up to a manipulator or give them ammo to use against you.
They are out there, they are manipulators, and they have no shame. They don’t have scruples about what they do, and they enjoy it, so they don’t even want to change. Ever see someone cause total chaos with a revelation, and in the midst of it all they look at peace, maybe even smiling? That’s a manipulator… they feed off of it. Avoid them, don’t share with them, don’t argue with them, just turn the other way. If you work with one, never take breaks with them or chat with them about anything not work-related. If they are in your family, have witnesses around always.
Don’t play their game. Just protect yourself and enjoy your own, real life.