I have good-hearted children, but I don’t always have well-behaved children. I always thought I was very lucky to have such a “good” first son during his first two years of life, and figured other parents are just doing something wrong. Then started the era of misbehavior, and I was slapped hard with the terrible twos (and a lesson in making assumptions about other parents).
When I tried to discipline him, by taking toys away and sending him to the corner, he looked at me as though I were speaking a different language. I felt that way, because in our house, discipline was definitely something foreign, and I didn’t know how to do it, how to enforce it, and he walked all over me. I was too soft, and my frustrated husband became too hard, so while I pleaded and hugged, he scolded and isolated, and neither worked.
Love and Logic is a concept for raising children that makes parenting more fun, and makes parents look forward to a child misbehaving so they have the opportunity to use its ideas as a learning experience. A system that wants children to misbehave? Yep, because teaching your children wisdom, responsibility, and independent thinking when the price for mistakes is small (and they are little) is far, far better than trying to rescue bad children who misbehave as adults, when the consequences are far more serious.
I have my friend Kelly from Texas Type A Mom to thank for introducing me to Love and Logic, and I wanted to share it with others who may be struggling. It takes a while to get the hang of…you are supposed to incorporate one idea at a time, and once you are doing it well and are getting a good result, add the next step. What is amazing is that it actually does work, once you get your footing.
I had some serious issues with my son. He’d run off past me to school, far enough that I could barely see him, so if someone snatched him or a car veered off the road and hit him, I wasn’t close enough to protect or aid him. It was frustrating and scary to me as a parent, but using a Love and Logic technique (and his teachers’ help), I got him to stay close to me when we were walking alongside major roads and in parking lots. This issue was probably the most important to me, because his refusal to obey endangered him, and in this instance I took his most beloved possession, the iPad, and made it the prize for always being close by. If he was out of my site, no iPad for an entire day- and I actually enforced it (no more wimpy mom). If he was close by, he got to play with it. It worked very well (the trick is to not use the iPad for everything).
I also have a problem when it comes to bedtime, which isn’t as serious, but it’s annoying. Things like getting him to do chores, etc…all these are things I need to start working on. I’ll update as I progress, and hope I actually have progress to share 🙂 Stay tuned!
You can find Love and Logic books on Amazon and other book sites (there are various books based on life stage, and the one I read and loved is called Love and Logic the Early Years).
I hope it works for you. I know that we have to try new methods with each stage of my daughter’s growth and, well, at 13 years old it’s still a work in progress. Having a stubborn streak definitely makes it harder though. Not matter what, I still feel that being consistent in whatever method you choose is vital for success.
If we have kids in the future I would totally try this out! I think it sounds like a good method!!!
That reasoning sounds very logical and sounds like a good program. Our household is much like yours. I’m too soft and husband ends up being too hard at times.
I need to do something like this with Landon. Some days he’s awesome and listens to me and stays close. Others he’s running all around and just in his own world. I like using something as a prize and not as a punishment, at least at first.
I love this Love and Logic concept for parenting. I’ll have to pass this on to my granddaughter in dealing with her kids.
Discipline is so hard and it’s not a one size fits all kind of thing. I’m glad you’re finding something that’s working for you and your family!
I need to work with my daughter. She’s a very strong willed child.
Glad you found something that works. Having them run off like that is very dangerous. I see it all the time.
The first time I ever heard of Love and Logic was when my son was in the 2nd grade. His 2nd grade teacher used Love and Logic. It’s weird, but it’s like if I’m being too easy, my husband ends up being to tough. If he’s being too easy, I end up being too tough. We rarely have to discipline our son, so it’s tough… all I know is we are doing the best we can. :/
My sweet nephew will be turning two in just over a week and he has already entered the difficult toddler stage. I will be sure to share this Love and Logic information with my frustrated sister.
I definitely need to work with my daughter more, she has a big personality and even bigger attitude.
I think with every parenting method the key is consistency. Not every method works with every child, but a parent being consistent in whatever method they choose is so important. We were definitely tough love kind of parents, and while our daughter didn’t appreciate it when she was younger, now that she is an adult herself, she often thanks us for sticking to our guns and holding firm to consequences and punishment because she realizes it allowed her to learn important lessons that are now playing out for her in the workplace and higher education.
Sounds like a book I need to check out. I can control the boys for the most part and they are very well behaved in public, but as they get older and enter the teen years, it gets harder and harder to level with them and get leverage as a parent.
One thing my kids learned with me is that when I said something, I meant it. I am stubborn, stubborn, stubborn so there was no way they could manipulate me. I was nothing but consistent and I never had to yell or spank. My kids just minded me really well. I feel pretty lucky about that!
I’m not like that, that is my problem. I waffle and am wishy washy and totally buckle when I see tears or get kisses
I need to put this book in my Amazon wish list. My children are pretty stubborn so this might help us.
Sounds like a good program. I like that the “prize” is related to one behavior. Just saying be good is too wide open a concept for adults, never mind children.
Even after reading this book, this is still such a work in progress for us. It feels like with each change in change we still have to work on it quite a bit for things to be effective.
I know for a fact it’s going to be a struggle if Kay misbehaves. Chris is either hot or cold, never in between. He has the worst temper thankfully not harmful, just annoying 😉 and I hope Kay doesn’t have it passed down to her.
Are all husbands like that? Mine too!
I should have known from his parents, love them to bits, but they’re both stubborn too 😉 Sometimes Kay is easier to deal with! HA!
Im going to see what books Amazon has on this, I would love to read more about it.