Parent Vs Strong Willed Child

Do you have a strong willed child? I have two, and while I love it when children have gumption, I don’t like being challenged at every turn, so over the years I compiled some of my favorite parenting tips to help parents raise strong-minded, spirited children who are also disciplined and respectful.

Five Tips For Raising Well-Behaved Children Without Stifling Their Adventurous Spirits

1. Create routines and rules- and stick to them The best way to avoid power struggles is to have daily and weekly routines… and it’s important to stick to them. They won’t see you as being bossy if they know everyone is just following the rules (like “We always have to go to bed at 8” and “No iPads at the dinner table”) and they will see rules as negotiable if you waffle, so it’s important to always enforce the rules, even when it’s more convenient to break them once in a while (you will pay in the long run).

2. Give your children choices and include them in decisions If you give orders, a strong willed child will stubbornly refuse. When you include your child in the decision making, he feels like he has more power. The key here is to give him choices that are acceptable to you, about things that can be flexible. For example “Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the green shirt?” because wearing no shirt to go to school is not an option. When a child has choices, they learn to make the right ones on their own (an important skill to develop). More importantly, they are happier even when doing something that doesn’t thrill them, because they chose to do it, just on their own terms.

3. Listen to your children Sometimes they are being stubborn because they just want to be heard. Countless times my son wouldn’t listen, stubbornly arguing, and then I’d discover he simply wanted to tell me something (it just took a few minutes for him to share what was on his mind, in his slow, steady little voice). Once he did, he was fully able to listen to me. Other times he had a different opinion or view, and surprisingly, kids can be logical and insightful (with their own brand of kid logic and insight). Children want to be heard, even if they don’t get their way. They want to feel like they matter. It doesn’t hurt to respect your child, so that in life they will always expect that their opinion matters and should be heard. We are raising strong children, not obedient sheep.

4. Don’t try to reason with a child having a tantrum Kids are utterly illogical when having a tantrum. And it does no good whatsoever to try to reason with them, yell at them, argue, or in any way communicate with them until it’s over. The best thing to do is to take them to a quiet place for a bit (especially if their tantrum is happening in the middle of a reception, service, or store) and just wait until it’s over. I’ve found that tantrums last longer when I respond, but once the adrenaline stops pumping, they often calm down and are able to listen to you again.

5. Positive reinforcement is more effective than negative reinforcement every time We want to please those we love, and when your child thinks they are making you happy, it makes them happy. Reward them for what they do good, instead of punishing them for mistakes. Unless they are willfully misbehaving, try to overlook errors just like you’d like your mistakes to be quickly forgiven. We are all human. And never, ever try to break your child’s spirit- no name calling, no belittling, no mocking. Ever, ever, ever.

There will still, of course, be time where you scratch your head, lose your patience, or want to run away for an hour or two, but that probably happens in every relationship at some point! As long as you keep in mind that your goal is to raise good people with a good sense of self and respect for others, you are already on the right track.

If you have other tips to share, we’d love to hear them, so tweet us or send us a note on facebook.