Zen Parenting

I’d love to be the perfect parent. Patient, loving, always have the right answer. I figured if I was perfect, my children would be too. They’d never have a tantrum, would understand when I told them “no”, and would not question my loving guidance.

I have stubborn, independent, clever children who don’t like to be told “no”.

I adore my children, they are beautiful and smart and sweet, but (lordy be!) are they strong-willed and curious, and no amount of reasoning or bribery will work when I need a cup of coffee (or more sleep) and they decide that is the perfect time to experiment and try new things (with furtive glances at tired mommy to make sure they aren’t supervised).

The author of Zen Habits sets minds at ease by assuring readers there is no such thing as stress-free parenting, no matter what we do, or how “zen” we are. Instead of trying to fit my children into a mold, it’s better to roll with it and instead guide them with some brilliant tips. I’m sharing my favorites:

Zen Parenting (aka How To Be The Cool Parent You Always Said You’d Be)

* Greet your child each morning with a smile, a hug, a loving Good Morning! This is how we would all like to be greeted each day.

* Teach them progressively to brush their teeth, bathe, clean their rooms, put away clothes, wash their dishes, make their own breakfast, etc. It takes patience. You have to show them about a hundred times, but let them try, correct them. They will gradually learn and you will gradually have less work to do caring for them.

* Read to them often. It’s a wonderful way to bond, to educate, to explore imaginary worlds.

* Build forts. Play hide and seek. Shoot each other with Nerf dart guns. Have tea together. Play, often, as play is the essence of childhood. Don’t try to force them to stop playing.

* When your child asks for your attention, grant it.

* Parents need alone time. Set traditions so that you’ll have time to work on your own, or have mommy and daddy time in the evening, when your child can do things on his own.

* When your child is upset, put yourself in his shoes. Don’t just judge the behavior, but the needs behind the behavior. Does he need a hug, or attention, or maybe he’s just tired?

* Model the behavior you want your child to learn. Don’t yell at the child because he was screaming. Don’t get angry at a child for losing his temper. Don’t get mad at a kid who wants to play video games all the time if you’re always on your laptop. Be calm, smile, be kind, go outdoors and be active.

* Remember that your child is a gift. He won’t be a child for long, and so your time with him is fleeting.

* Patiently teach your child the boundaries of behavior. There should be boundaries — what’s acceptable and what’s not. Within those boundaries, allow lots of freedom.

* Give your child some space. Don’t overschedule your child’s life with classes, sports, play dates and the like (it’s a constant source of stress for both child and parent to keep this schedule going).

* It helps tremendously to be a parenting team — one parent can take over when the other gets stressed. When one parent starts to lose his temper, the other should be a calming force.

‘You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.’ ~Bill Cosby

Want to see the rest of the tips? Visit The Way by Zen Habits (uncopyrighted- these tips can be freely shared with tired parents everywhere)