Taking Care Of Ourselves First Sometimes…. #Marriage

Welcome to this week’s happy marriage Monday! Today I wanted to share a tip on how to be happily married that has nothing to do with your spouse, because sometimes in order to be a good wife, you need to focus on yourself. That means sometimes taking a small break to relax. That means learning to sometimes say no.

It’s important to know what your priorities are, and to then treat those things like they really are a priority. That means kids before job, husband before mom, and health before fashion. Great in theory, but not how things always pan out. We not only forget our priorities as other things crowd in, we tend to put ourselves at the very bottom.

Women take on way too much. Women can have it all, but not at the same time. When we take on too much at once, instead of getting it all done, usually we just fail at a lot of things at once. We can’t be a full-time mom, full-time worker, full-time volunteer, full-time friend. Something’s got to give. It’s important for women to learn to say no, even if it means someone gets upset, angry, or (oh no!) doesn’t like you. As long as you like yourself and always do what you know is right, give yourself a break and stop bending over backwards to please everyone. Learn to say no without guilt, and take a break.

It’s hard for women to put themselves first. You love your family, and don’t want to let them down. I know about mom guilt- you’d do anything for your children. But there are times when it’s necessary to just take a break, say no (even to your own family), and put yourself first no matter what. Otherwise, you’ll be miserable, and so will everyone around you.

Saying No- Why It’s Important to Create Healthy Boundaries:
1. If you are totally depleted, you have nothing to give your family or anyone else.
2. If you are overworked, over-scheduled, exhausted, you are short-tempered and grumpy. The woman sets the tone for the family, so if you are tired, moody, and griping, everyone in your house responds in kind and it creates a downward spiral.
3. If you always put yourself last, you’ll be taken for granted. People tend to become blind to doormats who appear to have low self-esteem and see them as less worthy in relationships. If you treat yourself like a dishrag, others will too. If you only do what you are able and refuse to be taken advantage of, others will respect and appreciate you more.

This week you have a 2-part assignment. First make sure you aren’t taking so much on your plate that you have no time to focus on your own needs. Look at what you feel obligated to do, what you do because you are afraid to say no, what you do to please others who aren’t your family (boss, friend, mother-in-law). If they interfere with your family, with your sense of well-being, your health, it’s time to get up some gumption and cut those things loose.

Step two is to find ways to relax and be happy, so that you can really give your marriage and family your best. You may have forgotten what you need after years of taking care of others. It could be something as simple as having 30 minutes to drink coffee, lay down, or chat with a girlfriend while hubby takes the kids out. Your husband should help you take a break, because it benefits him to have a happy, energetic wife!

If you have tips to share on how you focus on yourself when you get frazzled, please share them!

Here are the Happy Marriage meme rules:
1. You can not be mean to your spouse, speak harshly to or criticize your spouse, neglect your spouse, roll your eyes at your spouse, or in any way interact negatively with your spouse, from sun up ’til sun down.
2. You must greet your spouse sweetly, with a smile and kisses hello and goodbye, and ask about his or her day. You must listen to their answer before interrupting or talking about yourself.
3. No bad-mouthing your spouse today.