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The Art Of Listening

Welcome to this week’s Happy Marriage Monday meme! Today we are going to learn about a very important happy marriage skill: How To Listen.

Women are able to talk to each other for hours a day about everything, and despite differences of opinion, are able to respect each other, or at least like each other and want to continue the friendship. Women can show each other understanding even when they don’t really understand, commiserate even when they would have done things differently, and support each other even when they don’t agree with what their friend is doing. Women have an extraordinary ability to support friends, family, co-workers and neighbors by listening and being receptive. For some reason, most women do not have the gene to do likewise with their husbands. When it comes to a husband, women just don’t know how to listen. But the art of listening can be learned!

the art of listening happy marriage

Men want you to listen to them. They don’t want to talk for hours a day, but men do want to feel heard and understood. Your husband wants to be able to talk to you without being contradicted or corrected everytime you don’t agree with or like something he said. If a woman wants a happy marriage, she should at least extend to her husband the same courtesy she gives acquaintances and co-workers. It’s important for a successful marriage, so here is a brief primer on the art of listening.

How To Listen To A Man

1. Let him speak without interrupting.
2. Do not correct him or offer advice unless he asks for it (it’s annoying to women too).
3. Don’t judge how he speaks, his language or tone. Instead, try to hear what he is trying to say. Sometimes a man speaks bluntly or uses coarse language while sharing something that is important to him or shows his character, and a woman totally overlooks the words and instead focuses on the wrong thing.
4. If he expresses ideas you don’t agree with, try to remember that we all change, and he may not always feel that way. He is more likely to think about new ideas and even change his mind if he can *think* about these ideas, rather than be forced to defend them.
5. Remember that you aren’t always right, and he is actually right sometimes, so just because you don’t agree with him doesn’t mean that he’s wrong.
6. Do not correct his grammar or vocabulary- he isn’t a child and it’s rude. It shows you’d rather be right or look smarter than actually care about what he’s trying to say.
7. If he is sharing an idea that he hopes you adopt, listen to what he’s saying (because you wouldn’t have married a stupid man, right?). Whether or not you agree, tell him you appreciate it and will think about it.
8. If he shares something that is very private or emotional, be especially open and non-judgemental.

He needs to feel heard

A lot of men go through life with no one to confide in. Men don’t generally talk to each other like this, and a lot of men never find a woman who know how to listen to him without contempt or getting offended. Ever wonder why there are so many grumpy old men? It’s because he lived a life of talking to women who tsk every time he opens his mouth. You don’t want him telling everything to his mother, a neighbor, or even another female. If a man can’t share with you, he will find someone else to talk to, because every man wants someone he can confide in, and it should be you. He should feel like he is able to share his most private thoughts and dreams with you, and that you’ll protect them and see what he wants you to see when he shares them.

You don’t have to agree with what he says. You just have to let him say it, and show him the respect you would show a friend. You would accept what your friend says, see the person behind the words, and let them have their opinion. You can be friends with someone who doesn’t agree with you on everything political, family-related, etc so you should be able to give your husband that same respect, at least, of understanding his motives and still appreciating who he is. You just have to learn how to listen. He’ll think you are awesome.

Here are the Happy Marriage meme rules:
1. You can not be mean to your spouse, speak harshly to or criticize your spouse, neglect your spouse, roll your eyes at your spouse, or in any way interact negatively with your spouse, from sun up ’til sun down.
2. You must greet your spouse sweetly, with a smile and kisses hello and goodbye, and ask about his or her day. You must listen to their answer before interrupting or talking about yourself.
3. You may make your spouse their favorite dinner, bring them flowers, or take them out to dinner (but not mandatory every week).




  • Kelly

    It is SO hard to listen without offering advice. I’m so guilty of this in all of my relationships I’m sure – it’s definitely something I need to work on.

  • You are killing me, Penelope!

    I know there are changes I need to make and reading your posts every week have given me so much determination.

  • Tammy

    Once again – you have challenged me Penelope. I need to work on a number of items on that list – I’ll try very hard to this week 🙂

  • Ty @ Mama of 3 Munchkins

    Thanks for the tips. I often find myself offering advice when it’s not needed but I have grown a lot over the years and have learned that you do learn more about a person when you listen to what they have to say.

  • I recently had a “revelation” with my husband on this very subject; I thought we talked all the time and I thought I listened to him. Turns out, I was wrong on both accounts. I was doing many of the things you listed — and it definitely hurt him and our marriage.

  • I have literally bitten my tongue to prevent myself from interrupting when he was speaking. I really had to learn how to listen with him.

  • Rachel @ Yellow Tennessee

    Listening during conflict especially can be challenging. But it is also so important.

  • HilLesha

    Great post! I ~love~ your blog.

  • Stacie @ The Divine Miss Mommy

    I love this. What a fabulous idea!!!

  • James

    Kudoes on the blog. I think guys would love that kind of attention from their ladies. I know I would.