There is a certain type of man (and woman) that tends to growl instead of speak, snap instead of reply, and in general, see the glass as half empty in every aspect of life. You may be married to this type of person, and trying to figure out how to deal with it.
So you married a growler…now what?
It’s hard to be married to someone that speaks gruffly in public, becomes impatient when asked a lot of questions, and who is very blunt (to the point of being embarrassing) in general company. Didn’t his mom teach him the art of diplomacy? Charm? Manners?
Then again, there is also a lot to be said for someone who gets to the point, gets things done, and doesn’t suffer fools (or small talk, for that matter) lightly. There is a reason you found this person appealing in the beginning, and it was probably how practical and direct they were. At some point, you found their sledgehammer approach to getting from point a to point b (even in conversation) attractive- it was different from anything you were used to, and you admired how unpretentious and genuine it was. You loved that they looked at things realistically.
Now, you find it irksome and irritating. He’s too negative and unsophisticated and you wonder what you ever saw in him. You snap back. Or close off. Or cry. Why? It’s not personal, this is their personality and you weren’t upset by it before. If you expected a pitbull to change into a puppy, to be different for you, that may be the problem. This is who they are, with everyone. You pretty much have to accept them as they are. You can ask them to work on certain aspects (such as barking in public and scaring everyone), but you can’t make him into a more amiable, mellow person who pleasantly chats about the weather.
Here are some important questions to ask:
1. Does he try to change you, and make you less optimistic and happy?
2. Do he personally attack you verbally?
3. Is he dangerous? Does his rough demeanor extend beyond words?
If not, well, you fell in love with a growler, and now you just make the best of it. The benefits of being married to a growler is that they tend to be very loyal (they growl at other people on your behalf and are very protective). They tend to be honest and work in black and white- no gray areas to meander in while they try to pull the wool over someone’s eyes with distracting, idle chatter. They also get things done when someone is trying to “handle” you and basically swindle or sweet talk you…growlers don’t mince words, and tell them to cut the BS and just get the job done. And there are those moments when they let down their guard and are total mush. Growlers have a sensitive side, even if they can’t express it verbally (it’s usually with their actions- they do things for you to express their love).
So love your growler as he is, and you can be the charming one.