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Ten Signs Of Real Love

What are the signs of love? What does real love look like and feel like? You want a love story of your own that will last, but how do you know when you really found “the one“? We all know couples that just seem to fit together, to dote on each other, to have a relationship that is totally unaffected by what goes on around them. What is it about them that makes us all recognize we are seeing a good marriage?

Well, there are certain factors that couples who claim deep satisfaction with their spouse and marriage have in common, and if you can see yourself and your relationship described here, chances are extremely good that you have a keeper. Assuming all else is lined up (similar values, common goals, etc), do you have these qualities in your relationship or marriage?

Ten Signs Of A Good Relationship

1. You feel good– about him, about yourself, about life. Being with him has given you a more positive outlook on life and love. There is no doubt, no pessimism, no feeling of insecurity.

2.You look forward to seeing him. You want to spend time together, and don’t find yourself looking for excuses to be alone or spend time with other people instead. You are happy just sitting together reading a paper.

3. You respect each other. You are offended if someone badmouths your guy, you don’t allow people to insult him, and you don’t join in on spouse-bashing when others complain about their significant other. On the contrary, you speak well of him and think well of him, and have confidence he does likewise.

4.You care about each others feelings, thoughts, and interests. You ask each other for advice and consider each other when making decisions. You don’t think as an individual anymore, you think about how things affect you both.

5. You accept each other. You don’t have a list of things to fix about him, but appreciate what is wonderful about your love and focus on the wonderful ways he adds to your life.

6. You fight fair. There is no name calling or belitting. You both state your side, and compromise. You’d rather lose the battle than the relationship, and there are no issues so serious that are worth breaking up over because you don’t let that happen. You do not push your partner to the wall by being so disrespectful that it forces them to either break up with you or lose their dignity by staying.

7. You can see a future together. You can see traveling together, see him holding your babies, see dancing together at 90. You can see a full and happy life.

8. You protect each other. You don’t allow others to attack your mate, you surely don’t hurt her, and you don’t allow her to hurt herself.

9. You don’t measure each other to past relationships, keep score of who does more, or compare each other to people you could be with instead. You are complete with each other, your relationship is full, you don’t even care about other men or women.

10. You feel safe. You’re not afraid of losing your partner, or being hurt by your partner. You don’t worry about what he’s doing when you aren’t together, and when you have something to say you aren’t worried they will hurt or attack you. You feel secure and loved.

  • Kelly

    These are great signs. Couples I’ve seen get divorced always fail to do at least one of these.

  • So true!

  • Anne - Mommy Has to Work

    Ah – true love! Great post!

  • Dee @ Cocktails with Mom

    I’ve always felt that I had a pretty strong marriage. Now after reading your ten signs of a good relationship, it just reassured me that we “Do” have one. Thanks for sharing.

  • Fawn

    This is so great, Penelope! I’m happy we’re BFF connected. Looking forward to more posts by you.


  • Virginia from That Bald Chick

    Great list. My Dad always told me that you would know a man loved you when he wanted to provide and protect.

  • Brandi @ Flip Flop Mama

    Those are so true! Many marriages fail because they don’t do one or more of these things.

  • marybeth @ www.babygoodbuys.com

    That’s very sound advice!

  • Shop with Me Mama (Kim)

    I guess it is real love for me and my hubby!! Yay!

  • Barbara Platt

    those are some good ones, but I found in 35 years you must give each other their own space

  • Those are all wonderful, every one of them!

  • I hope most couples have nearly the complete list!

  • Michael Lange Ocala

    all very important points!

  • Love these and so true!

  • Love, love, love this.

  • The Pro Marriage Counselor

    What beautiful and powerful post about recognizing shared true love! I’m tweeting this to share with my readers right now!

  • andrew vo

    read this daily and nightly.
    think about these ten listed.
    it will make you a better bf.

  • Dbakeca

    I’m sure that very often these rules are broken.

  • Terry Jones

    Great ideas! In the end, though, don’t you
    think romance is largely a function of your compatibility with your partner?

  • emmyroo

    Now THIS list contains all signs of true love! I’ve stumbled upon so many lists similarly titled that sound like they’re written by a 12-year-old. Things like “you can’t stop thinking about him” or “everything reminds you of him” or “you want to impress him.” This list is what love really is. This is the kind of love I am growing and want to stay in.

  • Debi

    I agree with all of the things that you say. It boils down to commitment and respect. When there is both, the love flourishes in the safety of the relationship. Deborah Byrne (married for over 30 years)

  • helen

    I agree!! <3 <3

  • ChptsOfMyLife

    wow! did you hit the nail on the hammer with this post, this was very beautiful and so well put. And i am with you on all of it. thanks for sharing.

  • Lena

    I feel like I should print this and keep it on my wall as inspiration to keep me hopeful and help me believe I’ll find the one. I just had my heart broken and need to believe this exists. Even though in my logical mind I know it does, my broken heart hasn’t gotten around to believing it.

  • Penelope

    It exists (and you find it only when you make room for it by letting the wrong people go).

  • Debbie

    Wow penlope, you said it well

  • Fiona

    This is quite wonderful. Something that I find is a good indicator of love, is that you are “for” * each other. You want what’s best for them and they for you. All these add up to being “for” the other person. Well done. Lucky me, I have this!

    *conversely, if that’s missing, RUN! don’t waste time on someone who isn’t “for” you…it’s not love, it’s some other agenda.

  • Monica

    All wonderful things …. However , I’ve noted three things or signs when I, as a mother, have noticed my kids making good or bad choices for a spouse

    1. You become a better person … You are just better, kinder, more mature, happier etc
    2. You grow closer to God.
    3. You grow closer to your family and their family.

    These three characteristics become obvious to those that love their kids and want to see them happy in a good marriage. When I would witness poor behavior or attitude and unhappiness and moodiness—- bad sign!!! When I see them pulling away from God and the development of a prayer life —-bad sign…. When I see the couple growing closer to each other but at the same time pulling closer to each others families as a coule —good sign!!!

  • Helen

    I totally agree as well, however; I rushed into getting married thinking he was the one and shortly after just 2 years came to the realization that he wasnt the one for me. I feel so much guilt because my ex exemplified everything I read on here, but the sad part is our feelings weren’t mutual, therefore; I couldn’t reciprocate what he did for me! I can’t believe my marriage was annuled and I’m once again alone! I have made many mistakes in my life and thought my marriage is one thing I could count on, because I made sure I did the right thing to get the right guy. I always told myself that I would only marry once and cherish it to the very end. I thought marriage was one thing I would hold sacred til death do us apart, what a joke that was on my part! I am extremely disappointed in myself in how I handled my marriage and is in fear that I won’t be given a second chance in the future because of the person I turned out to be. I wish my ex was a horrible man so I could move on quicker & easier but he’s not he’s a good man so it’s been very difficult! I wish I never met him to spare all the greif I put him through, I truly never meant to hurt him! Now that I’m out of his way, I hope he will meet a very special lady someday, he deserves all the love and respect a good woman has to offer!!! Although, this was my decision it still hurts like hell marriage was one thing I held true to my heart but now its tainted that I don’t know anymore about my life my future I’m so hurt and confused I just don’t know anymore…….

  • tom smith

    I enjoyed reading this list. The things listed are indeed good predictors of true love. Before committing, people should read this list. I wish I did.

  • Eva

    About love

  • Kellybelly

    Beautifully written…very well said. Thank you!

  • These are all very good signs – I am sitting here nodding my head as I went through the checklist! 🙂

  • Allison

    This is cool, but it has some flaws…
    1. No pessimism, doubt, or insecurity? That sounds pretty unhealthy to me. Feelings like that are normal, especially when entering into a very intimate relationship. If you never question your relationship, how can you know he/she’s the one?

    2. Wanting to spend time alone and with other friends is normal as well. Sometimes you might come up with an “excuse,” to be alone simply because you want to be alone! It’s not good to spend all of your time with your S.O. A lot of marriages fail because one or both people forget to have their own social life.

  • Penelope

    When thinking about entering an intimate relationship, you should question things… but if you still have questions, it’s not a good idea to enter into it. Some people like taking risks and the excitement of the uncertain, but when it comes to something like this, I just want to be with someone who loves me and makes me feel safe, not with someone that I have to wonder about. I like drama in movies, not my love life (but that is just me…everyone is different).

    I didn’t say anywhere that having friends is not normal (who would think that? lol). Friendships are wonderful, they enrich our lives. I don’t think too many marriages fail because of a lack of an outer social life (I actually think many marriage fail because a lot of people have too much of a social life that doesn’t include or consider their spouse- they still live like they are single), but having a full social life and good friends does add a lot to our overall happiness.

  • Allison

    I suppose the whole social life thing is a matter of opinion and of the kind of marriages you’ve witnessed. I know that my parents, and the parents of many of my friends, got divorced because they spent too much time focusing on their spouse and not on their own lives. So that’s what I’ve seen.

  • Sam

    I had that a long time back, but now I just feel like I wont be able to find love ever again.

  • Highlands Ranch Real Estate

    Number 8 is huge for me! You always have to have each other’s backs.

  • mila

    omg this a good one.guess its fine bcse i just felt only part of those in my relationship 🙂

  • Vedette

    This is beautifully written, these are the exact same feelings that I am feeling right now with my significant other. Falling in love truly is wonderful.

  • Great post! I love the last one – you feel safe. That is so important. Happy SITS day!

  • A beautiful post. Said so well. Love all the items on the list because they are so true. Happy SITS day. 🙂

  • Guess I’m in love with my husband! Numbers 5 and 8 are big for us. We’re quite the opposites so we really concentrate on appreciating each other and everything each of us offer rather than worrying about how different we are or what we’d like to change about each other.

    We also have noticed in many of our relatives that they go to each other every time there’s a little squabble and “confide” in everyone in the family rather than going to each other. It seems like a betrayal as well as injurious. We have really tried to avoid this to protect each other.

    Thanks for the post….over from SITS

  • I have been married a long time and this is spectacular advice. I am so pleased to see your SITS day.

  • Kristi

    Very sweet post. Happy SITS day!

  • {Kathy} Having been married for 20 years, I agree with everything you stated in your post. I think these are things teenagers should consider while they are dating.

  • Thank you for all these great reminders. I hope you’re enjoying your SITS day!

  • Phew! I think me and my husband are good. 🙂 We’ll be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary on August. And we still have all of the above.

  • Love this. 🙂 Respecting one another is huge. Can’t have a relationship without it. Stopping by from SITS!

  • Great list!

  • Stopping by from SITS today. THis is a great list. They’re all so true. I’ve been married now for 23 years and I still feel every single one of those items!

  • This is a great post. I think that “fight fair” and “protect each other” are so important. Thanks for sharing and Happy SITS Day!

  • Wow. Enlightening post. Thanks for sharing this….
    Stopping in from SITS!
    Happy SITS day!

  • Beautiful list, and all very true. My husband and I don’t fight much, but we try to keep it fair and on the up and up.

  • This is quite wonderful and so inspiring and true. I can attest to that! Happy SITS Day!

  • Jester Queen

    That’s so sweet. I love the picture of holding hands at 90. (yes – I know it’s just a picture and not like you or something.) Happy SITS day!

  • ilene

    TRUTH! Wise words.

  • Beautifully written and great thoughts about a happy relationship!

  • butterflyangels

    I found the right man the first time, too. But so many of the other women my age did not. All they do is complain about their husbands. Just makes me so sad!

  • Having just celebrated our 24th anniversary, your list is spot-on! Well said!

  • Spot on. And it’s so sad that so many people are unwilling to adopt this list in their own marriages. Love is a verb–not just a feeling–and it takes work……everyday committing to what you’ve said above.

  • Great post. Loved the point about protecting each other, not bad mouthing each other. It’s sad when people who are supposed to be in love can’t even be kind to each other.

  • I completely agree with your list. Happy SITS day!

  • Jessie Akos

    LOVE this! It’s so true. Stopping by from Sits! Happy day to you!

  • This is wonderful. Well written and oh so true. Thank you for sharing! Stopping by from SITS.

  • Good post, feeling safe and protecting each other is very important. Visiting from SITS.

  • Jamie

    This is a great list =) A good reminder for us to look upon our own relationships and ask ourselves if we’re treating our partner well.

  • Sheila Skillingstead

    Great photos and list. I especially agree with number 3. The second part of #3 is the best, speak well of your spouse. Definitely helps your relationship and makes lunch conversation more positive.

  • LOVE THIS!! Happy SITS Day 🙂

  • Amanda

    Love this!

  • SO true! Love it and my husband!!

  • Fun :)

    Yes, I agree with your list. Love is always defined as roses, kisses in the rain and early days romance. Real love is much more than this; real love is when an old man pushes his wheelchair bound wife without complaining, it’s when a woman jokingly looks to heaven when her man says/does something “funny” for the umpteenth time, it’s when a couple have no money but feel wealthy…and on and on… 🙂 xx

  • gwen

    And you don’t demand anything at your partner’s expense…

  • Lynn

    This just made me realize that my best guy friend might really be the one. Still too young to say anything, and I have years to go before anything serious should be looked at…but based on right now, if this article is true, I just refound someone again.

  • I love #5! Accepting each other, flaws and all, without wanting to change too much is so important. Feeling safe is also something most people don’t talk about. Feeling safe enough to be yourself is huge.

    Awesome post!

  • Lara

    Good one on love.

  • Diana

    Is that is true love??? what about being mad about him think of him day and night..being seduced by his every move..drowning in his eyes and losing your mind!! all of what you said I feel it with my partner saved secured and peace he is everything I’ve ever dreamed of the real man..but still..I don’t have that firing feeling that melting into him…I’m afraid of leaving him and regret..help me see clear 🙁

  • Penelope

    You should feel passionate and excited about him too, otherwise it’s just friendship. Don’t settle!

  • Ty Bolton

    I’ve been married for 20 years, and my wife and I are childhood sweethearts. We lived together for 3 years before we were married, and are still best friends. That’s true love.

  • Great post Penelope. It’s important not to take your spouse for granted.

  • Sarah

    Love this list. In a relationship for just ovrr a year and see these things with us. I often say I feel safe with him, in every way. Only thing they left out was communication. So important to be able to, and necessary to be able to talk about anything and everything. This time round I find it amazing that we can talk for hours about nothing and evercomfortableything. But Penelope, you have to have that desire or as someone else said, it’s just friendship and you are settling cause it’s what you know. There has to be a hunger. Don’t settle…not fair to either of of you.

  • So true!

  • lakesha batts

    Whats the different between carrying an loved

  • Great list!

  • I love this!!! 🙂 That’s how I feel about hubby! <3

  • What a great post and awesome photos.

  • These are great tips

  • When listed and laid out like this, everything seems so simple, yet in everyday life, some of these can be easy to forget and a good relationship can be taken for granted. Thank you for the well needed reminder!

  • Love all 10 of them and especially the last.
    The last is one many people are unable to come to grips with. They think their partner ‘might’ be off doing bad things behind their backs. Lacks trust. Lacks honesty and probably lacks open discussion.
    If you feel safe, you’ve got a great relationship going so hang on tight for a great ride!

  • T. Davis

    So True, I absolutely love this.

  • I love this!

  • I love those first few months of new bliss!

  • That is a beautiful, but sadly rare thing you describe.

  • Aw! I absolutely love this. Some of the points are simple things that so many people forget sometimes. Thanks for touching on those. Great post!