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Are You His Wife or His Bride?

When you find the person you are going to marry, there is a sense of excitement and happiness. You feel as though you found your match, the person who completes you, and nothing else matters as long as you are together. You found someone who loves you as you are, and whom you can’t imagine living without.

be his bride not just his wife

You didn’t care whether your future husband wanted two kids or four, and he didn’t care how well you cooked. You were in love and you found your life’s companion, and that was all you wanted from each other- a companion to share life’s joys and adventures and have a happy marriage. You got married, and you were his beautiful bride, and he was your knight in shining armor. You both believed the rest would just fall into place, as long as you had each other.

Then things changed, and your spouse seemed different. They weren’t living up to your expectations, fulfilling your plans, or meeting all your needs. Your husband was now the man who doesn’t work enough overtime, didn’t exercise enough, or wasn’t social enough. You worry what your neighbors, friends and parents think of the man you married. You’ve become the serious housekeeper, cook, schedule maker, and bookkeeper and you feel like you’re doing everything. You keep everyone in order and are forced to bark orders or issue complaints when things aren’t done well enough, which seems to be all the time.

Are you his wife or his bride? Remember when you were the woman who let him pick the restaurant, because you just wanted to feel his arms protectively around you, and you didn’t care whether you had Italian or Chinese? Do you really want to be the woman who has a perfect house and perfect order but feel unsatisfied with your marriage? Did you become a “wife” and forget that you are his bride?

Remember what it used to be like…

This may sound like a tall order, but maybe it’s time to be his bride again. Try to remember to treat each other like all you needed was each other, and you were happy just to have each other and look forward to a life together. Does your husband know he is number one, or does he think your parents, your friends, your job, or the opinion of the neighbors comes first? Does he have a say in anything anymore? Does he get downtime or is all his free time scheduled with things you want him to do? This is especially hard to do when you have children, and there are just things that need to be done, but when you have children it’s also especially important to show your husband love and respect, because your relationship is an example to your children of what a marriage should look like.

If you find that things have indeed changed, start by being more affectionate with each other. Let little things slide for a bit and just focus on remembering what you loved about your spouse, and the dreams you had. So what if the grass isn’t mowed for a while. I bet an overbooked schedule and fights over who fills the ice tray were never things either of you pictured in your life together. Try to be more accepting of things, and not force the other to fit a plan you create for them because you imagine it would make you happy. For example, you believe if he asked for a raise or spent more time exercising, things would be perfect, so you henpeck him daily to do what you want. His dream girl isn’t a henpecker, and when you act like a wife instead of his bride, you are disappointing to him, because he had hopes of a beautiful life together when he proposed. He married you hoping you’d always be the girl he fell in love with, the girl who thought he was a wonderful knight in shining armor. Don’t be a stereotypical wife, the type that makes men warn single guys to never get married because marriage changes women.

This week’s Happy Marriage Meme assignment is to remember why you married your husband, and to start treating him like you did when you were dating and felt lucky to have met such a wonderful man. This week, remember that as long as you have each other (and your children), you really have all you need. The rest is icing, but if you don’t have the cake, it’s all irrelevant. Everything is irrelevant if your marriage and your family aren’t happy and strong.

Here are the weekly Happy Marriage meme rules:
1. You can not be mean to your spouse, speak harshly to or criticize your spouse, neglect your spouse, roll your eyes at your spouse, or in any way interact negatively with your spouse, from sun up ’til sun down.
2. You must greet your spouse sweetly, with a smile and kisses hello and goodbye, and ask about his or her day. You must listen to their answer before interrupting or talking about yourself.
3. You may make your spouse their favorite dinner, bring them flowers, or take them out to dinner (but not mandatory every week).




  • maggie s.

    Argh. I always seem to make it by on Monday. Think the Lord is trying to tell me something?

  • Wow, it was kinda hard reading this weeks.

    I definitely need to change a few things 🙁

  • Jessica

    Great post Penelope! Is it because girls are so intent on getting to that wedding that they lose sight of why they wanted to be married in the first place? I do worry about these things as I see the relationships that are crumbling after that perfect wedding day and I hope to remind myself that a wedding is not the end, but just the beginning.

  • JDaniel4's Mom

    This is a wonderful idea! It is so easy to change into just one.

  • Wow, that is definitely something to think about – and so incredibly true how things change!!

  • Tammy

    Great post – I think we all need to be a Bride again for our husbands.

  • Shop with Me Mama (Kim)

    LOVE this!!! I think I am still his bride, but yes, MANY times just the wife! I really need to work on this and what a fun way to do it 🙂

  • What a wonderful assignment! When I realized the I was the problem in my marriage, and started looking at what I was doing instead of harping on what HE was doing, life got easier. I also realized I wasn’t ENJOYING my marriage. I changed. (and still am) Hubby? Not so much, and it really doesn’t matter. What is that verse that says a man would rather live in a shack than in a fancy house with a groucy wife? True, so true! God bless you in your journey!

  • Annie @ Mama Dweeb

    oh my goodness Penelope – God laid this tip on my heart the day I married my husband! (i’m gonna try and not write a book here, but I have to share!)

    My mom was in a very bad marriage (mostly her fault for marrying that guy). Needless to say I had to be SURE I knew why I was marrying Josh. I wrote down all the reasons and continued to go to them every time I got frustrated. It really has helped! And I heard someone say that the reason you married him can become one of your biggest annoyances about him – well I am going to work super hard to make sure that does not happen.

    One of the most widely used phrases I say to Josh is, “That’s why I married you!” I am not kidding! It is such a great thing to remind yourself, wonderful advice this week Penelope!

  • that is really something to think about.

    thanks for this great idea! thanks for this thought-provoking post.

    I also thank you for your lovely comments.

    I love your blog. It’s really awesome!!

  • Penelope, I’ve been married to my husband Alex for nearly 22 years. We still show each other the same courtesies we did when dating. He still opens car doors for me, and I still cover him with an afghan if he’s napping. Perhaps the romance part is not as “red hot” as it was when it was all new, but the everyday love is even more important. He loves to eat and I love to cook. He loves his job and I love the lifestyle we can afford. I think you really hit on some important points in this article! Very nicely done.

  • J.Lou

    This entire site is wonderful!

    IP 68.9.102.97